Excerpt from Stunted

With graduation party season in full swing, I thought I would share an excerpt from my recently released memoir, Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood. The excerpt covers the time period after I graduated high school from Rome Free Academy in my hometown of Rome, New York, and prepared to enter my freshman year of college. Warning: Adult content follows.

From Chapter Ten:

I graduated high school in June 1987 as a shy, sexless adolescent unprepared for the social landscape of college life. Decked out in my cap and gown, I stood a half head shorter than my mother and sister as we posed for a picture in our backyard on graduation day.

And here’s a catalog, a list of experiences I failed to check off before finishing high school, departing Rome, and heading to the campus of St. John Fisher College, a small, liberal arts college (now renamed St. John Fisher University) in Pittsford, New York, a suburb of Rochester:

I never went on any one-on-one dates.
I never bought flowers for a girl (except for one Valentine’s Day in elementary school).
I never drove a car to a girl’s house to pick her up and meet her parents—getting their permission to take her out for the night.
I never had a serious girlfriend.
I never put my arm around a girl at an RFA football game or held hands in a darkened movie
theater.
I never kissed a girl on the lips.
No fumbling with bra straps in the backseat of a car or feeling a warm breast while sitting on a couch at a house party.
I never made love in a girl’s bedroom while her parents were out of the house.

And at age eighteen, even if a girl had offered me the opportunity to have sex, I would not have known for sure where to put my penis during intercourse.

My inexperience with the opposite sex weighed on me as I spent my final summer at home. During one weekend in late August, my friend Billy and I went to McDonald’s to hang out in the Uptown area (a section of Rome where teens congregated).

On a warm, humid night, we stood in the deserted parking lot under the glow of the illuminated golden arches, talking with our friend Chad, who had ridden his bike to the area from east Rome. He was leaning on his handlebars, dressed in a white concert T-shirt, and we were talking about me going away to school. I said, “I’m a little nervous. I don’t know how it’s gonna be. I don’t know if I’ll fit in.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it, Franny,” Chad said. “You’ll get your helmet polished by the girls there.”

I had a sense he was referring to blow jobs, but I wasn’t one hundred percent sure. I gave a good laugh to cover my lack of knowledge, and said, “Thanks, Chad, I hope you’re right.”

From Chapter Eleven:

Although my parents must have sensed my unease about attending college while looking like a fourteen-year-old boy, my father offered me no advice on how to deal with it, and my mother lacked empathy for my situation. She told me to stop being sensitive when other people questioned my age. In conversations with family members, co-workers, and restaurant servers, she would say, “He gets so upset if someone asks him about his age. He has to learn to accept it.” But Mom exhibited compassion through her actions by taking me shopping in New Hartford and buying me sheets, towels, toiletries, and other essentials for college life. She taught me how to do laundry, informing me about the basics of temperature cycles and the importance of separating colors from whites, and she also made sure my financial aid paperwork was submitted on time.

As I made my final preparations before departing Rome for the fall semester in 1987, my sister Lisa allayed my fears with sage advice based on her experience as a student at Hartwick College in Oneonta. When I told her how I knew the other kids would question me because I looked so young for my age, she said, “What you have to realize about college is that everyone has something that they don’t like about themselves, something they want to hide. Some girls are fat. Some guys have acne all over their faces, or they sound effeminate. Everyone has something. You look young for your age, but so what? Don’t think you’re the only one who is different.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. She also told me, “You’ll be fine once you make a few friends.”

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Busy Vacation

I had a busy and not-so-restful “staycation” in Syracuse this past week with events tied to the launch of my book, Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood. On Tuesday, June 23, I traveled to my hometown of Rome, New York, for a book reading at Jervis Public Library.

I hadn’t visited the city since Thanksgiving, and the maple trees were in full bloom with branches overhanging the streets in north Rome, presenting a dense, chartreuse canopy. Here’s a picture of some trees I saw near Jervis’s parking lot.

Since my dad, mother, and stepfather have all passed away, I don’t get back to the Copper City very often, and when driving northbound on Black River Boulevard or James Street, I feel more like a visitor than a native Roman. But even so, Rome will always be home to me.

I met my friend Bill Vinci (host of The Empire Plate web show) in the parking lot of Jervis, and we talked for about twenty minutes before he had to leave for a fantasy baseball meeting. It was a beautiful summer night, and attendance was sparse for the reading. But a former neighbor, some friends from high school, my brother, Dirk, and his partner, Donna, and my friend, Bill Soldato (author “Billy the Liquor Guy”) showed up, and I was able to reminisce and catch up with them.

Most of all, I was elated to be holding an event inside the confines of Jervis Public Library—reading from a book I had actually written. That’s because when I was a child, I discovered a love of books and reading at Jervis. And while I attended Mass at St. John the Baptist Church, Jervis served as my true cathedral of learning. It provided a foundation for what would become a literary life and was also a refuge, a safe space where I could escape the domestic unrest punctuated by my parents’ quarrels during my formative years.

During America’s Bicentennial year of 1976, my mother had enrolled me in a summer reading program at Jervis. I was six years old and turning seven that August. The librarian had divided the group into two teams, and we competed against each other for the book tally. I read eighteen books that summer, and I have the certificate to prove it.

While walking through the stacks before my reading, I remembered how the library had introduced me to writers like Ray Bradbury, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, Thomas Wolfe, Albert Camus, Hermann Hesse, Mark Twain, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Virginia Woolf, Charlotte Brontë, and so many others.

Later, I found some of my poetry books in Jervis’s circulating collection, resting on a shelf in the Literature section, sandwiched between poetry books written by Emily Dickinson and Ralph Waldo Emerson. I thought: “I’ll take it. Not too shabby company.”

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The following day, Wednesday, June 24, I appeared as a guest on the lifestyle show Bridge Street on WSYR-TV (NewsChannel 9).

I was nervous about the segment because it’s live television. And as a longtime video producer, I’m used to being behind the scenes during production (where I am most comfortable), not acting as a guest or interview subject. Fortunately, once a female member of the crew mic’d me up, and I sat in the guest chair, the interview with hosts Iris St. Meran and Erik Columbia lasted only about five minutes.

Here’s the link if you want to watch it.

I’m abstaining because I don’t want to torture myself. On the way home, I thought about five things I should have said that slipped my mind in the haze of the bright lights and nervous energy of live TV. And to protect my fragile self-esteem, I don’t want to see how I looked and sounded on screen, which I know goes against a book promoting self-acceptance. But as I said in the interview, self-acceptance is a daily effort (and a struggle for me).

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On Friday, June 26, I was fortunate to read some poems, along with three other poets, as a participant in Verse & Waltz: An Evening of Poetry and Brahms, presented by the Oneida Lake Arts and Heritage Center at St. David’s Parish Hall, in Fayetteville. One of the poems I read came from Stunted.

The theme of the night was “love,” and each poet was allotted about seven minutes. Because I do them so infrequently, I tend to overprepare for readings. I am apprehensive about reading my poems, and I feel the page is the primary home for my verses. I write to be read in text form, as opposed to being heard. So in getting ready for the event, I printed the poems I considered reading for the evening.

I ended up with too many options, but it was a great exercise because I edited a number of the poems—noticing in many places, the works would be much stronger if I cut lines. I also replaced words that would be difficult to pronounce; hence: clasps became clutches, aquiline became beak-like, and vestibule replaced lobby.

I read through my poems, then sat back and enjoyed the music in the second half of the program. And all the German waltzes and fine singing made me want to watch The Sound of Music again.

In preparing for the reading, I realized I have written many poems that have only been published in collections that are print on demand or had small print runs, meaning several verses have had limited release. I do submit poems to magazines and literary journals, but the fees restrict the number of submissions, and the competition for publication is also fierce.

So I’ll be going through my previous collections and publishing them as standalone posts on my blog.

Here are some poems culled from my potential reading list from Friday night. I’ll start with one that is unpublished.

The Safe

In my head
I know
the meaning
of living
is to unlock
the safe
enclosing
the heart
and give
what love
you own
to others.

I fall short—
collecting
but failing to
distribute
the love
I possess.
And so
I ask myself:
Just why am I
holding on to
all that surplus?

In Another Life

In another life,
we would have slow-danced
to Willie Nelson music
in a townie bar in the Catskills,
and made love in your father’s tool shed
on a Sunday afternoon.
In another life,
we would have been married
at sunset in Sylvan Beach, New York,
on a warm June night.

In another life,
we would have had a son named Isaac
and a daughter named Rose.

In another life,
I would have been a master pastry chef
and you a renowned neurosurgeon.

In another life,
troubles would have come,
as they always do,
but our love would have been unshaken.

In another life,
you would have been
more than just a glimpse,
a face in a car rushing by me
in the opposite direction.

(From Sidewalk Stories, Kelsay Books, 2017)

Mother at a School Bus Stop

A middle-aged woman with a white canvas coat
stands with her two young children
at a school bus stop on a misty gray morning.
The boy and girl are bundled up
and jabbering as they bounce around—
unaware that Mondays should be devoid of glee.

When the bus pulls up, the mother hugs the children.
The kids separate from her breast,
scurry up the steps and claim an empty seat up front.
The mother waves goodbye to the little faces
pressed against the window and watches
as the bus pushes away from the curb,
ejecting a thin cloud of exhaust.

The woman turns around,
waits for the traffic light to change
and then crosses the street,
marching up the block to return home.
Once there, dirty dishes, unmade beds and
cigarette butts heaped in black plastic ashtrays
demand her attention until mid-morning,
when the woman leaves the house and rushes to work.

She then counts down the hours
until the school bus returns to the curb
and her two kids hop off and leap into her arms,
almost in unison.

(From Dreaming of Lemon Trees: Selected Poems, Finishing Line Press, 2019)

Landscape

Beauty abounds.
Just look around
and you will see—
a quivering leaf,
a patch of grass,
billowing clouds,
and a slash of light
beneath the bridge.
It’s not a bad world, really—
we just need
to train our eyes
to gaze with wonder,
and marvel at the
transcendental pageantry.
It’s there before you.
But you must zoom out,
zoom out
and refocus the image.
There. Hold it.
Do you see it now?

(From Sidewalk Stories, Kelsay Books, 2017)

Vestiges

My parents are gone.
They walk the earth no more,
both succumbing to lung cancer,
both cremated and turned to ash.

With each passing year,
their images become more turbid in my mind,
as if their faces are shielded
by expanding gray-black clouds.
I try to retain what I remember—
my father’s deep-set, dark eyes and aquiline nose,
my mother’s small head bowed in thought or prayer
while smoking a cigarette in the kitchen.

I search for their eyes
in the constellations of the night sky.
I listen for their voices in the wind.
Is that Rite Aid plastic bag snapping in the breeze
the voice of my father whispering,
letting me know he’s still around …
somewhere … over there?
Does the squawking crow
perched in the leafless maple tree
carry the voice of my mother,
admonishing me for wearing a stained sweater?

Resorting to a dangerous habit,
I use people and objects as “stand-ins”
for my mother and father,
seeking in these replacements
some aspect of my parents’ identities.

A sloping, two-story duplex with cracked green paint
embodies the spirit of my father saddled with debt,
playing the lottery, hoping for one big payoff.
I want to climb up the porch steps and ring the doorbell,
if only to discover who resides there.

In a grocery store aisle on a Saturday night
I spot an older woman
standing in front of a row of Duncan Hines cake mixes.
With her short frame, dark hair, and glasses,
she casts a similar appearance to my mother.
She is scanning the labels,
perhaps looking for a new flavor,
maybe Apple Caramel, Red Velvet, or Lemon Supreme,
just something different to bake
as a surprise for her husband.
A feeling strikes me and
I wish to claim her as my “fill-in” mother.
I long to reach out to this stranger in the store,
fighting the compulsion
to place a hand on her shoulder
and tell her how much I miss her.

I fear that if my parents disappear
from my consciousness,
then I too will become invisible.
And the reality of a finite lifespan sets in,
as I calculate how many years I have left.
But I realize I am torturing myself
with this twisted personification game.
I must remember my parents are dead
and possess no spark of the living.
And I can no longer enslave them in my mind,
or try to resurrect them in other earthly forms.
I have to let them go.
I have to dismiss the need for physical ties,
while holding on to the memories they left behind.

And so on the night I see the woman
in the grocery store aisle,
I do not speak to her,
and she does not notice me lurking nearby.
But as I walk away from her,
I cannot resist the impulse to turn around
and look at her one last time—
just to make sure
my mother’s “double” is still standing there.
I want her to lift her head and smile at me,
but she never diverts her eyes
from the boxes of cake mixes lining the shelf.

(From Sidewalk Stories, Kelsay Books, 2017)

 

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Poecabulary: One Year Later

One year ago this week, I published my wacky passion project, Poecabulary, which is a minimalist poetry collection and conceptual art piece. To celebrate, I am running a free Kindle book promotion through Friday, June 5. If anyone would prefer a PDF version, please email me at ffd1284@gmail.com.

Poecabulary front cover.

This project originated with some wordplay and Photoshop edits back in 2013. And while the collection contains fewer than 700 words (across 190 pages), it took me more than ten years to curate, select, refine, and edit the 156 word pairings that comprise the book.

Here’s the back-of-the book description:

Poecabulary is a minimalist poetry collection that blurs the line between vocabulary and verse. Words appear in unexpected pairings, creating connections that surprise, challenge, and invite reflection. Each combination is a deliberate act of linguistic play, where alliteration, sound, appearance, randomness, rhyme, and meaning collide.

The author explores how similar or opposing words interact, encouraging readers to discover their interpretations and associations. Both a playful exercise and a meditation on language, Poecabulary celebrates the power and flexibility of words.

This collection will resonate with language lovers, poetry enthusiasts, and anyone curious about how words shape meaning. Sample pairings include Autistic/Artistic, Diffident/Different, Lonely/Lovely, Perfection/Perception, and Reject/Respect.

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Book Release and Giveaway

Today marks the completion of a dream with the publication of my memoir, Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood. To celebrate my publication date, I am running a Goodreads giveaway. It ends on June 1, and I’ll be giving away two signed copies of the book.

I don’t have much experience with signing books, but I have never understood the practice of authors crossing out their printed name when they sign their books. To me it feels like defacing a work of art.

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Silly Little Adventure of Earth

I finished reading Jack Kerouac’s The Dharma Bums and I wanted to share one more passage that stood out to me. In this scene, during a massive going-away party for the character Japhy, held in Berkeley, California, the narrator, Ray Smith (Kerouac), reflects on people and existence:

“Then I suddenly had the most tremendous feeling of the pitifulness of human beings, whatever they were, their faces, pained mouths, personalities, attempts to be gay, little petulances, feelings of loss, their dull and empty witticisms so soon forgotten: Ah, for what? I knew that the sound of silence was everywhere and therefore everything everywhere was silence. Suppose we suddenly wake up and see that what we thought was this and that, ain’t this and that at all? I staggered up the hill, greeted by birds, and looked at all the huddled sleeping figures on the floor. Who were all these strange ghosts rooted to the silly little adventure of earth with me? And who was I?”

My battered copy of The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac.

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My Books Arrive

My first shipment of books from McFarland & Company arrived yesterday. I’m so glad to see this book become a real thing—not just an idea in my head—because the project took more than 10 years to complete.

“Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood” is a coming-of-age story about identity and self-acceptance, told through the lens of my journey to adulthood after being diagnosed with a brain tumor when I was 15 years old.

The contains about 40 black-and-white photographs, medical records dating back to 1984, and diary entries from the early 1990s and beyond. It’s also loaded with sports and pop culture references from the ’80s and ’90s (e.g., Doug Flutie and The Cure).

I’m scheduled to give a reading at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, June 23, at Jervis Public Library in Rome, where, as a youth, I discovered my love of books and was introduced to authors such as John Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, Ray Bradbury, Albert Camus, Hermann Hesse, Joyce Carol Oates, and many others. I hope I won’t be so nervous that I ramble and babble.

A certificate for my participation in a summer reading program at Jervis Public Library in Rome in 1976.

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Jenna Finds A Dog

My former Metro Networks’ colleague Terry Rousseau has written a middle-grade novel entitled Jenna Finds A Dog.

Jenna Finds a Dog cover.

I’m looking forward to reading it. In the biography, Terry mentions residing in an isolated village in the New Mexico mountains. And he cracked me up with this line: “His most recent hobby, not by choice, is cutting down the hundreds dead trees on his property with his electric chainsaw thanks to prolonged drought and bark beetles.”

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Poems by Hermann Hesse

I am re-reading Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. And in doing a little Wiki research on the German novelist, I discovered he also wrote poetry. I bought a collection of his verses entitled Poems by Hermann Hesse: Selected and Translated By James Wright (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1970). Most of the poems are short (which I love), and he explores such themes as youth, nature, identity, longing, and loneliness.

An added bonus—the used book arrived with a nice bookmark from Normals Books & Records in Baltimore, which looks like a really cool store.

Here are a few selections from the book that I wanted to share:

Mountains at Night

The lake has died down,
The reed, black in its sleep,
Whispers in a dream.
Expanding immensely into the countryside,
The mountains loom, outspread.
They are not resting.
They breathe deeply, and hold themselves,
Pressed tightly, to one another.
Deeply breathing,
Laden with mute forces,
Caught in a wasting passion.

On a Journey

Don’t be downcast, soon the night will come,
When we can see the cool moon laughing in secret
Over the faint countryside,
And we rest, hand in hand.

Don’t be downcast, the time will soon come
When we can have rest. Our small crosses will stand
On the bright edge of the road together,
And rain fall, and snow fall,
And the winds come and go.

Night

I like the dark night well enough;
But sometimes, when it turns bleak
And peaked, as my suffering laughs at me,
Its dreadful kingdom horrifies me,

And I wish to God I could take one look at the sunlight
And the blue of heaven brought back to light by its clouds,
And I want to lie down warm in the wide spaces of the day.
Then I can dream of the night.

Destiny

In our fury and muddle,
We act like children, cut off,
Fled from ourselves,
Bound by silly shame.

The years clump past
In their agony, waiting.
Not a single path leads back
To the garden of our youth.

How Heavy The Days . . . 

How heavy the days are.
There’s not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die.

And here are a few spring-themed poems:

The First Flowers

Beside the brook
Toward the willows,
During these days
So many yellow flowers have opened
Their eyes into gold.
I have long since lost my innocence, yet a memory
Touches my depth, the golden hours of morning, and gazes
Brilliantly upon me out of the eyes of flowers.
I was going to pick flowers;
Now I leave them all standing
And walk home, an old man.

Spring Day

Wind in bushes and bird piping
And high in the highest fresh blue
A haughty cloud ship, becalmed . . .
I dream of a blond woman,
I dream of my youth,
The high heaven blue and outspread
Is the cradle of my longing
Where I choose to lie calm
And blessedly warm
With the soft humming,
Just like a child held
On his mother’s arm.

Flowers, Too

Flowers, too, suffer death,
And yet they are guiltless.
So, too, our own being is pure
And suffers only grief,
Where we ourselves do not wish to understand.
What we call guilt
Is absorbed by the sun,
It comes to meet us out of the pure throats
Of flowers, fragrance and the moving gaze of children.
And as flowers die,
So we die, too,
Only the death of deliverance,
Only the death of rebirth.

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Book Sighting

It’s always a thrill when I see one of my books hanging out in a library. Last week, while working a B-roll shoot at Bird Library at Syracuse University, I found my latest book, Poecabulary, residing in this section. I’m SU staff, not faculty or alumni, but it was exciting to find one of my books in physical form resting on a shelf, waiting to be discovered by a reader (or so one hopes).

Bird Library at Syracuse University.

Poecabulary at Bird Library.

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