Accepting Limitations

This past Thursday, July 30, I held a local author talk and Q-and-A at Utica Public Library on Genesee Street in Utica, New York. Two senior citizens attended, and their presence pleased me because as the time for the 6 p.m. event drew near, I thought no one would show up.

Utica Public Library exterior. Photo by Kenneth C. Zirkel.

The talk was held in the Music Room on the second floor of the brick Neoclassical building erected in the early 1900s. I took an Uber because I was nervous about getting lost in Utica (as I had so often done in my youth when traveling to the city from my nearby hometown of Rome). As we traversed eastbound along the New York State Thruway, the Uber driver and I had a nice conversation. He’s a retired journalist and corporate communications professional who still does freelance work. We discussed the decline of journalism, the state of higher education, and writers we admire, including Stephen King and Richard Russo.

I arrived shortly after 3:30 p.m., and an easel displaying a large poster board with my book cover image greeted me as I entered the library. Flyers were also posted. The library was busy with mothers and their children perusing and checking out books and some adults using the computer room.

I introduced myself to the staff member who reserved the space and booked the event for me. She directed me to the second floor. I walked around for a bit, then headed upstairs, passing through an art gallery on the second floor and gazing at works by local artists hanging on the walls.

As the afternoon wore on, I debated going outside to walk along Genesee Street, maybe stopping at a Starbucks or another coffee shop. But I didn’t want to leave my books behind, and I didn’t want to carry my heavy book bag. I also had some trepidation about the safety of the neighborhood, so I stayed inside.

I set up my books on a long table at the front of the Music Room, answered work emails and Teams messages, and read the books I had brought—the novel Tepper Isn’t Going Out by Calvin Trillin (paperback), the memoir Educated by Tara Westover (paperback), and A Deadly Shade of Gold by John D. MacDonald (Kindle). The AC was blasting, the movement of cold air murmuring, and I had to keep my raincoat on the whole time because I was freezing.

Utica Public Library interior. Photo by Francis DIClemente.

After using the restroom on the first floor, I was excited to find my book in the library’s general circulation, sitting on a shelf next to some other memoirs. It had a Utica Public Library stamp inside.

My memoir, Stunted, on a shelf at Utica Public Library.

Then I went upstairs and sat in the Music Room, waiting as 5:30 and then 5:45 p.m. came and went. I stood up and took some photos of the empty space and a selfie to document the “no-show” turnout.

And as I stared out the window of the library, looking at the Munson art museum across the street, I acknowledged within myself the discouragement I feel about my memoir’s reception in the world more than two months after its release.

I poured everything I had into this book, writing it over the course of ten years while working a full-time day job and managing family responsibilities. And while I never expected a TED Talk or a Today show appearance to follow the release of my memoir, it’s disheartening that events have been sparsely attended and I remain stuck on four reviews on Amazon (although they have been positive). Even more so, I thought the book’s universal message of self-acceptance would resonate with a wide variety of readers.

But as I walked around the Music Room, the floorboards creaking beneath my feet, I tried to console myself by thinking a writer or artist’s career has ups and downs, highs and lows, and it’s all part of the journey.

I am also grateful to the people who have read the book and commented on it, the libraries and booksellers who have hosted me, and the local media outlets that have interviewed me or written stories about the book.

I also knew that my wife and son would greet me when I arrived home that night, and I would get up the next day and write before heading off to work at a job that paid my bills and provided health coverage for my family and me.

I was about to pack up my stuff and head downstairs to open the Uber app and book a ride home when a small, older man wearing a blue shirt and jeans held up by suspenders entered the Music Room and sat down. I thought, “OK, one is better than none.”

I asked, “Are you here for the reading?”

“Yes,” he said.

I introduced myself. His name was Bob. We shook hands, and we talked about the Utica area and its history. I asked Bob where the Saranac Brewery was located, and he rose and walked toward a window in the corner. I followed him, and he pointed toward the brewery in an area behind St. Joseph and St. Patrick Church, which could be seen in the distance.

At 6 p.m., I sat down and told Bob I’d read a little bit and then answer any questions he might have. I put on my reading glasses and was reading the prologue when I looked up and saw an older woman seated in the audience. I nodded and said “hello,” and she smiled. She said her name was Lorraine and she lived nearby. She had blond hair and glasses, was dressed in a black shirt and leopard-print pants, and wore a red baseball cap with a Flash Gordon lightning bolt on the front.

I was elated, and I made a point of listening to their questions and being fully present in the moment, giving my best effort for the two people who took time out of their day to attend a local author event.

And we had a pleasant conversation. They asked me about where I grew up, my educational background, medical and family history, and how long it took me to write the book. I enjoyed hearing about their lives. Lorraine claimed she owned more than four-thousand books. She also said she was born premature and the doctor who delivered her tossed her tiny body on a bed and said to Lorraine’s mother, “Don’t bother with her. She’s not gonna make it.”

Lorraine said she wanted to tell the doctor now, “I’m 77 years old, and I’m still here.”

Bob said he likes reading nonfiction, primarily autobiographies, nature books, and books about dogs. He asked me if I was Italian, and when I said, “Yes,” he told me he’s full-blooded Italian. He said he lives alone and shared details about two solo trips he took to Italy and Sicily, including how he met some distant cousins on one of the journeys.

Toward the end of our discussion, Bob asked if he could look at a book. I said, “Sure,” and he grabbed a book, flipped through it, stopping at certain pages, pointing to pictures, and asking me questions.

I felt so happy that Bob and Lorraine had rescued my night that I signed two copies of my book and gave them away to my new friends.

The experience made me think about one of my favorite scenes in the movie Vision Quest. It’s when high school wrestler Louden Swain (Matthew Modine) visits his friend, hotel worker Elmo (J.C. Quinn), who has taken the night off to watch Louden wrestle against Brian Shute, the best wrestler in the state of Washington. The writing and acting in the scene deliver such emotional power.

Louden tells Elmo that he shouldn’t have taken a night off from work because his pay would be docked, and that his six-minute wrestling match is “not that big of a deal.” Elmo gives a monologue about watching Pelé on TV during a soccer game, and he ends his speech with the line, “It ain’t the six minutes. It’s what happens in that six minutes.”

And the lesson for me is: It isn’t about how many people show up at a reading or event or the number of ratings and reviews on Amazon and Goodreads. It’s about the connection you form with the people who do read your book and attend your events.

I also thought, OK, so I’ll never win a Guggenheim fellowship, sell the movie rights to my book, be a bestselling author, or earn a living from my writing alone. Still, I can continue to write in my spare time and contribute something positive in my own small way.

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Upcoming Book Events

For friends and readers in the Central New York area, I have some events scheduled to promote my memoir, Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood (Toplight Books, an imprint of McFarland and Company, 2026).

I’ll be giving a reading and signing books at Parthenon Books on Salina Street in downtown Syracuse this Saturday, July 25 at 1 p.m. I’m also excited to use up $15 in store credit.

A “Local Author Talk” is scheduled for 6 p.m. on Thursday, July 30 at Utica Public Library on Genesee Street in Utica.

And on Saturday, August 8, I’ll be joining other writers at a Local Author Showcase at the Barnes & Noble store in Dewitt. The time is 2 to 4 p.m.

For those unfamiliar with the book, here is a description, along with some archival photos (which appear in black and white in the book).

Overview of Stunted:

For most children, puberty marks their rite of passage into the cusp of adulthood—a time of profound physical and emotional transformation. It’s a period where they grapple with questions about identity, their place in the world, and what they desire from life’s experiences.

Here’s me, likely in the mid-1980s.

For Francis DiClemente, during his turbulent adolescent and early adult years spanning 1984 to 1995, frustration and shame consume him. When he turns fifteen, his growth stops, and he watches helplessly as his friends cross through puberty and into adulthood. Doctors diagnose him with hypopituitarism, uncovering a tumor engulfing his pituitary gland. Yet the removal of the tumor fails to fix the problem. DiClemente enters college as a youthful, androgynous figure—a prodigy sans the hyper-smarts.

During my college years, in the late 1980s.

He lags behind his male peers in every aspect—lacking the stature, hair growth, and muscle definition that come naturally to others his age. This disparity further erodes his self-confidence, particularly in his interactions with women.

When DiClemente leaves his childhood home after college and embarks on a career in journalism, he discovers a new perspective on masculinity. Living independently and embracing this responsibility, he learns that manhood is determined by behavior, not physical characteristics.

Through the lens of personal experience, Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood delves into the universal themes of belonging and resilience, providing a message of hope and inspiration for those navigating their paths of self-acceptance.

With my cousins Fiore DeCosty (left) and Derek DeCosty (standing) with our grandmother, Josephine, in the bottom right of the frame (1990).

 

 

 

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Busy Vacation

I had a busy and not-so-restful “staycation” in Syracuse this past week with events tied to the launch of my book, Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood. On Tuesday, June 23, I traveled to my hometown of Rome, New York, for a book reading at Jervis Public Library.

I hadn’t visited the city since Thanksgiving, and the maple trees were in full bloom with branches overhanging the streets in north Rome, presenting a dense, chartreuse canopy. Here’s a picture of some trees I saw near Jervis’s parking lot.

Since my dad, mother, and stepfather have all passed away, I don’t get back to the Copper City very often, and when driving northbound on Black River Boulevard or James Street, I feel more like a visitor than a native Roman. But even so, Rome will always be home to me.

I met my friend Bill Vinci (host of The Empire Plate web show) in the parking lot of Jervis, and we talked for about twenty minutes before he had to leave for a fantasy baseball meeting. It was a beautiful summer night, and attendance was sparse for the reading. But a former neighbor, some friends from high school, my brother, Dirk, and his partner, Donna, and my friend, Bill Soldato (author “Billy the Liquor Guy”) showed up, and I was able to reminisce and catch up with them.

Most of all, I was elated to be holding an event inside the confines of Jervis Public Library—reading from a book I had actually written. That’s because when I was a child, I discovered a love of books and reading at Jervis. And while I attended Mass at St. John the Baptist Church, Jervis served as my true cathedral of learning. It provided a foundation for what would become a literary life and was also a refuge, a safe space where I could escape the domestic unrest punctuated by my parents’ quarrels during my formative years.

During America’s Bicentennial year of 1976, my mother had enrolled me in a summer reading program at Jervis. I was six years old and turning seven that August. The librarian had divided the group into two teams, and we competed against each other for the book tally. I read eighteen books that summer, and I have the certificate to prove it.

While walking through the stacks before my reading, I remembered how the library had introduced me to writers like Ray Bradbury, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, Thomas Wolfe, Albert Camus, Hermann Hesse, Mark Twain, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Virginia Woolf, Charlotte Brontë, and so many others.

Later, I found some of my poetry books in Jervis’s circulating collection, resting on a shelf in the Literature section, sandwiched between poetry books written by Emily Dickinson and Ralph Waldo Emerson. I thought: “I’ll take it. Not too shabby company.”

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The following day, Wednesday, June 24, I appeared as a guest on the lifestyle show Bridge Street on WSYR-TV (NewsChannel 9).

I was nervous about the segment because it’s live television. And as a longtime video producer, I’m used to being behind the scenes during production (where I am most comfortable), not acting as a guest or interview subject. Fortunately, once a female member of the crew mic’d me up, and I sat in the guest chair, the interview with hosts Iris St. Meran and Erik Columbia lasted only about five minutes.

Here’s the link if you want to watch it.

I’m abstaining because I don’t want to torture myself. On the way home, I thought about five things I should have said that slipped my mind in the haze of the bright lights and nervous energy of live TV. And to protect my fragile self-esteem, I don’t want to see how I looked and sounded on screen, which I know goes against a book promoting self-acceptance. But as I said in the interview, self-acceptance is a daily effort (and a struggle for me).

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On Friday, June 26, I was fortunate to read some poems, along with three other poets, as a participant in Verse & Waltz: An Evening of Poetry and Brahms, presented by the Oneida Lake Arts and Heritage Center at St. David’s Parish Hall, in Fayetteville. One of the poems I read came from Stunted.

The theme of the night was “love,” and each poet was allotted about seven minutes. Because I do them so infrequently, I tend to overprepare for readings. I am apprehensive about reading my poems, and I feel the page is the primary home for my verses. I write to be read in text form, as opposed to being heard. So in getting ready for the event, I printed the poems I considered reading for the evening.

I ended up with too many options, but it was a great exercise because I edited a number of the poems—noticing in many places, the works would be much stronger if I cut lines. I also replaced words that would be difficult to pronounce; hence: clasps became clutches, aquiline became beak-like, and vestibule replaced lobby.

I read through my poems, then sat back and enjoyed the music in the second half of the program. And all the German waltzes and fine singing made me want to watch The Sound of Music again.

In preparing for the reading, I realized I have written many poems that have only been published in collections that are print on demand or had small print runs, meaning several verses have had limited release. I do submit poems to magazines and literary journals, but the fees restrict the number of submissions, and the competition for publication is also fierce.

So I’ll be going through my previous collections and publishing them as standalone posts on my blog.

Here are some poems culled from my potential reading list from Friday night. I’ll start with one that is unpublished.

The Safe

In my head
I know
the meaning
of living
is to unlock
the safe
enclosing
the heart
and give
what love
you own
to others.

I fall short—
collecting
but failing to
distribute
the love
I possess.
And so
I ask myself:
Just why am I
holding on to
all that surplus?

In Another Life

In another life,
we would have slow-danced
to Willie Nelson music
in a townie bar in the Catskills,
and made love in your father’s tool shed
on a Sunday afternoon.
In another life,
we would have been married
at sunset in Sylvan Beach, New York,
on a warm June night.

In another life,
we would have had a son named Isaac
and a daughter named Rose.

In another life,
I would have been a master pastry chef
and you a renowned neurosurgeon.

In another life,
troubles would have come,
as they always do,
but our love would have been unshaken.

In another life,
you would have been
more than just a glimpse,
a face in a car rushing by me
in the opposite direction.

(From Sidewalk Stories, Kelsay Books, 2017)

Mother at a School Bus Stop

A middle-aged woman with a white canvas coat
stands with her two young children
at a school bus stop on a misty gray morning.
The boy and girl are bundled up
and jabbering as they bounce around—
unaware that Mondays should be devoid of glee.

When the bus pulls up, the mother hugs the children.
The kids separate from her breast,
scurry up the steps and claim an empty seat up front.
The mother waves goodbye to the little faces
pressed against the window and watches
as the bus pushes away from the curb,
ejecting a thin cloud of exhaust.

The woman turns around,
waits for the traffic light to change
and then crosses the street,
marching up the block to return home.
Once there, dirty dishes, unmade beds and
cigarette butts heaped in black plastic ashtrays
demand her attention until mid-morning,
when the woman leaves the house and rushes to work.

She then counts down the hours
until the school bus returns to the curb
and her two kids hop off and leap into her arms,
almost in unison.

(From Dreaming of Lemon Trees: Selected Poems, Finishing Line Press, 2019)

Landscape

Beauty abounds.
Just look around
and you will see—
a quivering leaf,
a patch of grass,
billowing clouds,
and a slash of light
beneath the bridge.
It’s not a bad world, really—
we just need
to train our eyes
to gaze with wonder,
and marvel at the
transcendental pageantry.
It’s there before you.
But you must zoom out,
zoom out
and refocus the image.
There. Hold it.
Do you see it now?

(From Sidewalk Stories, Kelsay Books, 2017)

Vestiges

My parents are gone.
They walk the earth no more,
both succumbing to lung cancer,
both cremated and turned to ash.

With each passing year,
their images become more turbid in my mind,
as if their faces are shielded
by expanding gray-black clouds.
I try to retain what I remember—
my father’s deep-set, dark eyes and aquiline nose,
my mother’s small head bowed in thought or prayer
while smoking a cigarette in the kitchen.

I search for their eyes
in the constellations of the night sky.
I listen for their voices in the wind.
Is that Rite Aid plastic bag snapping in the breeze
the voice of my father whispering,
letting me know he’s still around …
somewhere … over there?
Does the squawking crow
perched in the leafless maple tree
carry the voice of my mother,
admonishing me for wearing a stained sweater?

Resorting to a dangerous habit,
I use people and objects as “stand-ins”
for my mother and father,
seeking in these replacements
some aspect of my parents’ identities.

A sloping, two-story duplex with cracked green paint
embodies the spirit of my father saddled with debt,
playing the lottery, hoping for one big payoff.
I want to climb up the porch steps and ring the doorbell,
if only to discover who resides there.

In a grocery store aisle on a Saturday night
I spot an older woman
standing in front of a row of Duncan Hines cake mixes.
With her short frame, dark hair, and glasses,
she casts a similar appearance to my mother.
She is scanning the labels,
perhaps looking for a new flavor,
maybe Apple Caramel, Red Velvet, or Lemon Supreme,
just something different to bake
as a surprise for her husband.
A feeling strikes me and
I wish to claim her as my “fill-in” mother.
I long to reach out to this stranger in the store,
fighting the compulsion
to place a hand on her shoulder
and tell her how much I miss her.

I fear that if my parents disappear
from my consciousness,
then I too will become invisible.
And the reality of a finite lifespan sets in,
as I calculate how many years I have left.
But I realize I am torturing myself
with this twisted personification game.
I must remember my parents are dead
and possess no spark of the living.
And I can no longer enslave them in my mind,
or try to resurrect them in other earthly forms.
I have to let them go.
I have to dismiss the need for physical ties,
while holding on to the memories they left behind.

And so on the night I see the woman
in the grocery store aisle,
I do not speak to her,
and she does not notice me lurking nearby.
But as I walk away from her,
I cannot resist the impulse to turn around
and look at her one last time—
just to make sure
my mother’s “double” is still standing there.
I want her to lift her head and smile at me,
but she never diverts her eyes
from the boxes of cake mixes lining the shelf.

(From Sidewalk Stories, Kelsay Books, 2017)

 

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My Books Arrive

My first shipment of books from McFarland & Company arrived yesterday. I’m so glad to see this book become a real thing—not just an idea in my head—because the project took more than 10 years to complete.

“Stunted: A Memoir of Delayed Manhood” is a coming-of-age story about identity and self-acceptance, told through the lens of my journey to adulthood after being diagnosed with a brain tumor when I was 15 years old.

The contains about 40 black-and-white photographs, medical records dating back to 1984, and diary entries from the early 1990s and beyond. It’s also loaded with sports and pop culture references from the ’80s and ’90s (e.g., Doug Flutie and The Cure).

I’m scheduled to give a reading at 6 p.m. on Tuesday, June 23, at Jervis Public Library in Rome, where, as a youth, I discovered my love of books and was introduced to authors such as John Steinbeck, Ernest Hemingway, Ray Bradbury, Albert Camus, Hermann Hesse, Joyce Carol Oates, and many others. I hope I won’t be so nervous that I ramble and babble.

A certificate for my participation in a summer reading program at Jervis Public Library in Rome in 1976.

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Book Sighting

It’s always a thrill when I see one of my books hanging out in a library. Last week, while working a B-roll shoot at Bird Library at Syracuse University, I found my latest book, Poecabulary, residing in this section. I’m SU staff, not faculty or alumni, but it was exciting to find one of my books in physical form resting on a shelf, waiting to be discovered by a reader (or so one hopes).

Bird Library at Syracuse University.

Poecabulary at Bird Library.

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Fall Book Finds

I made a couple of finds at the Little Free Library on my way home from a jog today. The classic children’s book Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White and Forever by Judy Blume were nestled in the box. I’ve been wanting to read some Judy Blume novels since watching the recent documentary Judy Blume Forever.

But this donated copy was missing the first two pages. I felt like Alvy in Annie Hall, who couldn’t watch a movie in a theater if he missed the opening credits. Fortunately, due to the power of Amazon and its “read sample” button, I scanned the first two pages of Judy’s book.

I didn’t take home the copy of Charlotte’s Web because I read the story within the last couple of years. But a note on the flip side of the front cover made me smile. It seemed like a discovery I should’ve made in late June, after the school year ended in the district, instead of in late October.

Dear Cheyenne,

It’s been a terrific year in 3rd grade.

Heart icon
Mrs. V.

It brought back fond memories of Mrs. Voisine, my third-grade teacher at DeWitt Clinton elementary school in Rome, New York. Later on, I did the math and determined that Cheyenne would have graduated high school in 2015. I wonder what she’s doing now and if Mrs. V. is still teaching.

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Poetic Precision

During my staycation this week, I ventured to Bird Library at SU to peruse some novels by Larry McMurtry (author of Lonesome Dove, Terms of Endearment and The Last Picture Show). I took a little literary detour when I got sidetracked in the stacks—flipping through the volume New and Selected Poems by Samuel Menashe. Menashe’s author photo caught my attention because he reminds me of a young Christopher Walken.

New and Selected Poems by Samuel Menashe.

I’m drawn to Menashe’s concise and illuminating poems that tackle the universal themes of life, death and existentialism.

Here are some of my favorite poems.

Autumn

I walk outside the stone wall
Looking into the park at night
As armed trees frisk a windfall
Down paths that lampposts light.

The Dead of Winter

In my coat I sit
At the window sill
Wintering with snow
That did not melt
It fell long ago
At night, by stealth
I was where I am
When the snow began.

The Living End

Before long the end
Of the beginning
Begins to bend
To the beginning
Of the end you live
With some misgivings
About what you did.

Grief

Disbelief
To begin with—
Later, grief
Taking root
Grapples me
Wherever I am
Branches ram
Me in my bed
You are dead.

Voyage

Water opens without end
At the bow of the ship
Rising to descend
Away from it

Days become one
I am who I was.

Passive Resistance by Samuel Menashe.

Downpour

Windowed I observe
The waning snow
As rain unearths
That raw clay—
Adam’s afterbirth—
No one escapes
I lie down, immerse
Myself in sleep
The windows weep.

Samuel Menashe: New and Selected Poems, Bloodaxe Books; revised edition (January 1, 2009).

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Library Discovery

I discovered this anomaly while exploring a Central New York library.

Blonde by Joyce Carol Oates.

In this case, one little e makes a big difference, as this should be Oates, like Joyce Carol Oates or Hockey Hall of Famer Adam Oates. Not like Quaker Oats. But the little misspelling doesn’t diminish the quality of the book. Once the reader opens it, the person will get lost in the masterful storytelling and prose of JCO.

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Summer Reading Inspiration

Digging through some totes in my living room, I found this archival evidence of my early obsession with books.

Library reading certificate, 1976.

During America’s Bicentennial year of 1976, my mother had enrolled me in a summer reading program at Jervis Public Library in my hometown of Rome, New York. The librarian had divided the group into two teams—the Cincinnati Reds and the New York Yankees—and we competed against each other for the most books read over the course of the summer. I can’t remember which side I was on, but the librarian was prescient, because Cincinnati would meet New York in the World Series later that year, with the Reds sweeping the Yankees to win the title.

I wish I had a list of the eighteen books I had read during the summer of ’76, as I would like to revisit some of them now.

As for this summer’s reading list, I am starting off with these selections.

The Beauty of Dusk: On Vision Lost and Found, a memoir by Frank Bruni.

Frank Bruni book cover.

Jack Kerouac: Collected Poems, published by Library of America, and The Closers by Michael Connelly.

Jack Kerouac: Collected Poems, published by Library of America.

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Stumbling Upon Sylvia

While perusing for books in the library, I spotted a large volume entitled The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, 1950-1962. In the few moments I took to scan the 700-plus-page book, I felt like I peered into the troubled soul of the confessional poet and author of the novel The Bell Jar. Plath struggled with depression much of her life and committed suicide in 1963.

The intensity of the language in one of the passages from a section dated 22 November 1955 – 18 April 1956 captivated me, and I thought if you rearranged the sentences in verse form, they would construct a splendid poem. I had no sense of context from where Plath’s agitated emotions sprang, and standing in the library stacks, I felt a great sense of loss about Plath’s life and sadness that she took her unique voice with her to the grave.

Here’s an image of the passage I read:

Plath, Sylvia. The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath, 1950-1962. New York: Anchor Books, 2000.

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